So You Didnt Want Me

Life is precious even mine
If it's a month old or nine
Your womb should be my heaven, Secure and safe
But you do not want me so you'll make it my dark grave

You made a mistake but why do I have to pay?
Why did you stop me from seeing the light of day?
I dream of growing up, kicking a ball
Studying, loving to you, handsome and tall
Why did you throw me away ?
Why didnt you want me?

I could have made you smile everytime I said mom
Make daddy come to school because I was troublesome
Were you scared that I'd cause too much mischief?
If that the case I'll behave, Please dont kill me...

Mommy I know you dont want to but you have to do this now
Your 17 you've got your life ahead and daddy doesnt know
Right now there is no place for me with you
Maybe next time you will want me too

I Gave Up

Pangs of darkness flowing inside me, I know something bad is on it's way.
The Raven came crying asking me not to reveal his message, It was too much a burden even for him.
I was broken half a decade ago and never got the chance to fix me and guess I will always be...
The guilt of a passing life that holds nothing but idiotic actions is all I have to show
I used to bring my hands together not for prayer but to beg a fictional character to ease my pain
Every plea left unheard
What's the use being arounf when all I remember is the sound of my heart being ripped apart and the loud silence of my tears fall on to my chest...
Every man for himself,
Every sad episode to be continued
I hate this energy around me.
Little am I aware that it's my own...
I know this time there is no one to save me
It's just me and my stupidity along with irresponsibility by my side
This time I will not let anyone lift me up only to have me pushed back down again
I am done with this
I give up
I will no longer have to feel stacked up negativiy ever again..
Drink up It's my last drink
Smoked my last cigarette,
Burned my last memory,
Kissed my brother good-bye
Left my parents a note
Ohh how I love them so
But I cannot take this any longer,
Sorry to dissapoint you once again mama
I'm so sorry to bring you this dada
Love you so much
But I hate this even more
I cant help it
I've hid this away too long it's ripping me apart from within
I'm bleeding
Red
Thick
Oozing liquid life
Oh how I hate you

Bottom Of A Bottle

Sparkling water,
Reflecting the beautiful moon,
Brings out the cruel doings of the day
A child weeps for her mother
While the man of the house bruises his wife...
Chilling screams
No one hears,
There's no aid to come...
Each night the terror walks in
An empty bottle tucked under...
Not a cent spared...
Three children and a wife to hold...
Promises broken...
Household belongings too
Wont any one help them?
Shez not moving cant you see?
The unfairness of man
How could he be my father??
Stinking of that firewater
He looks through the mouth of the bottle
And sees one drop left
wake up ammi, wake up...
He is looking at me....

Punished

It seems that when a good thing comes along something bad always counters it..
Cradle my innocence and hid it away from the world,
Put on my face each morning,
Packed up heart in a cardboard box,
Truth once seen in your eyes now lost forever,
Happy you seem to be away from me
I'll agree for this way we both win,
No reason for me to cry,
A broken wing once healed will fly one again....
I wish you luck, happiness in bundles...
My whole life i shall spend turning my heart to stone..
Caught up in my reflection cant recognise myself..
Dark eyes...
Pale white skin...
Pretend i shall that i'm happy for you but then die each day..
My punishment...
sentenced to eternity
As a broken heart....

Healing

When you finally forget about us
Which i see you already have
You will find me nowhere in sight
When you see that letting go is irreversable
I'll still be here
With a home n a life of my own...
I will still xchange words with you
Laugh at your jokes
But my heart newly invisible
Will no longer beat according to yours
No longer linked to your soul
My soul newly set free
Takena new reason to be happy
To be no longer
Attached to you
To finally see a diffrent way
To not be bound to you anymore
Never
to be held by you again...

Have You Ever?

Have you ever lived each day regretting ever awakening?
Ever felt your heart get heavier with evry heartbeat?
Ever lied to keep someone in love with you
Thinking they loved you for that?
Ever let your imagination run wild with the thought
Of his soft lips touching her's?
Holding her in his sweet embrace?
Him feeling her everybreath on his chest...
As her fingers touch his face
And look into this eyes the same way he used to look at you?
Ever had you eyes freeze everytime you his picture
With her beside him....
Ever got rid of all the things he gave you
Only to have him still linger in your thoughts?
Ever stopped listning to love songs coz it only hurts you to remember what you had?
So you end up cryin
And pretend to the world like your fine
Ever tried as much as you can to think of someone else only to fail at it terribly?
Many failed attempts to heal a broken heart...
But seems like hes sunk into your soul...
He has found sopmeone else but he still lingers in your memory...
Stupid acts of a 16 year old...

Ever broken your own heart unknowingly...
And then pretended its not there anymore
Hate yourself for loosing him
Hated your own reflection that you dont look in the mirror anymore...
Driven yourself to insanity
And fallen into a state of utter depression
Stopped feeling your heart anymore
Long to say you love him although he wont listen to you...
Sorry that he doesnt want you back that he doest love you anymore..
Felt helpless without him because you dont want to talk to anyone else...
Well thats the most horrible way to feel..
But evryone does so once in their life
But time heals later dan sooner
Patience becomes your friend
.......

An Old Lover's Dilemma

The most bitter words
Said by a friend
The most bitter silence
She will keep to her end
"She is happy with whom
I should be" says she
"All he tells her
She tells me"
This torture
Tears my heart each day
never healing wounds
Split open everyday
Oh how she cares for them both so
Therefore she has to let him go
Every second of her life spend she will
To forget him, And the hurt she's in
For she loves them both
And they are happy
Here is a toast
To a new dead me....