Broken For The Worst

Fighting with all that i have to stop myself destroy myself. Every time I try to close a pin just seconds later I find a reason to keep it open. Just for emergencies. It's scary because even knowing the dangers I still find it my only vice. For four years now it's been a habit of mine only known by my closest associates and to them it no longer exists but now it's worse than before. And this time I am afraid it will defeneatly take the best of me

Permanent Tattoo

Four years of pushing away something that had taken root so deep into my heart just came gushing through when the block was removed. Now there is nothing stopping the pain and past bitter sweet memories from flowing freely in my head. I feel it moving in my veins and just numbing my whole body. It's just sickening me to the bone. Making me hate myself even more!!! He was mine!!! He still is mine in my head!!! But in reality he is mine no more!!! I should be thinking of the blocker but NO i find myself being pushed towards my old heart even more harder than before. I kept telling myself there still was a chance that i could be whole again but how could I? She is beside him. Taking in his every breath, every cry and tear. He is there holding her hand, grabbing her waist, putting his arms around her and making her feel warm. It's been so for the past year or so. And even with all that i cant let go. I feel myself slowly dissapear into a dark corner of my world again but this time for sure i know i will not rise again like i did before. Let go of my heart before I forget how to love another, Let go of my memories before I forget to remember another please let go of my soul before I forget how to give myself to another. For even now i have already forgotten. How i long for those arms to hold me, for those eyes to look to feel his presence once more. I need to hear his voice say those words again to me or just even whisper my name. Those arms to wrap around me to make me feel warm again. For his hand to hold mine to tell me he wont let me fall for those hands just to hold mine for a while. Those eyes to look in to mine and let me know that he cares. For those eyes to tattoo my already soul. I need to feel his warm breath breathing down on me.
Taboo to love one who is not of your own kind and taboo on taboo to tattoo. I cannot help what my heart feels it's the one that bore it all. It sketched the design and gave the ink but he took the needle and pierced my soul and slowly tattooed the design that would never be erased. Never have i still found a stronger love even to pretend. I feel i never will find a stronger love to erase that tattoo away. It makes no sense to passers by some may laugh others may cry and still I don't mind showing people my tattooed soul. The scars of the tattoo are fresh still they never seem to heal if only the skin gets more red by the minute tattooing more details. It' scary how it's still alive even after all these years and there should be a reason why it wont subside.You can kiss her this life my love for some other life you will be mine again and will NOT let you slip again.